My tears are smudgling my words....

Dear Max,

l'm so excited you've wroted back.

I don't think my parents like you so from now on

send stuff to my neighbour Len Hislop

at 26 Lamington Drive, Mt Waverley.

He's old with no legs.

They got chew'd'ed off in World War II

when some Japanese peoples kept him in a cage above piranhas.

Piranhas are goldfish that have teeth.

He's scared of outside, which is a disease called homophobia.

He's started giving me 50 cents a week to get his mail.

I'm saving to buy a castle in Scotland 
and marry a man called Earl Grey.

Do you get 'The Noblets' in America?

Well, my favourite Noblet is Vanity Noblet.

He wants to be everyone's friend, even the boys'!

In your letter, you said you had no friends...

Well, neither do I.

A-ha!

Yesterday at school, Bernie Clifford weed on my spam sandwich

and called me "poo face" 'cos of my birthmark.

I wish I could peel it off like a bandaid.

He also laughed 'cos I had no buttons.

Ethel pecked them off

and Mum couldn't thread a needle 'cos she'd been testing the sherry

so she used pegs instead.

When I got home, I climbed into my secret place till dinner time.

The other kids also laugh at my haircut.

Dad has to cut my hair because mum says

real hairdressers sell your hair to Chinamen

who stuff mattresses.

My teacher, Mrs Pendergast, says I should smile more.

I told my mum and so she drawed a big smile on me.

I don't think Mrs Pendergast likes me anymore.

I better go now. My tears are smudgling my words.

Your friend in Australia, Mary Daisy Dinkle...

PS. Have you ever been teased? Can you help me?

PSS. I'am never been hang gliding before or been a 'commune-ist'

but would love a frisbee and your recipe for chocolate hotdogs.

PSSS. I'm sending you some Australian chocolate, a pompom I made

and a cake called a lamington, which I was meant to eat for lunch.